Monday, February 15, 2010

Happiness is a Warm Pizza: Beatles vs. Turtles

For the inaugural post, I find it only fitting to begin with the debate that's been raging since the beginning of time...or at least since the beginning of this particular blog. Which is the better foursome: the Beatles or the Ninja Turtles? One battled fearsome enemies like the Foot and the Shredder. The other got a leg up on the competition and shredded the charts, redefining the music industry. But before we get into their differences, let's take a minute to examine these two Fab Fours' similarities.

Basically, the groups break down in an eerily similar fashion. Both have two de facto leaders: for the Beatles, it's John Lennon and Paul McCartney, while the Turtles have Raphael and Leonardo. Of the two respective leaders, one has a more straight-laced, follow-the-rules kind of approach. Leonardo always seems to be training more than his brothers and bases most of his decisions on what Master Splinter told him to do. This approach is often causing him to butt heads with Raphael. With the Beatles, Paul McCartney's music tends to fit more mainstream, popular conventions like "Hello, Goodbye." John Lennon once criticized him for making silly love songs, so Paul responded with his hit, "Silly Love Songs," similar to how Leo clashes with Raph.
Yep, John Lennon wasn't shy about doing things his own way

As a contrast to the more straight-laced leader, there is the more stubborn, do-it-your own way approach that is taken by Raph and John Lennon. Lennon's songs like "I am the Walrus," "Across the Universe," and "Happiness is a Warm Gun" were more avant-garde and experimental than McCartney's. Raphael is often ignoring the warnings of Splinter and Leo, and tends to leave the group and try to fight the Foot on his own (John Lennon, anyone?). Between both groups' two leaders, there is a healthy balance of following conventions and breaking them.
Leo and Raph at their essence

The Beatles have George Harrison who doesn't write many songs, but whenever he does, they always seem to be good (Something, Here comes the sun, While my guitar gently weeps). Donatello rarely takes over a fight, but has the potential to when he chooses. Both are the technical masters of their foursome - Donny being good with gadgets and computers while Harrison is the group expert on guitar, sitar, or whatever instrument the band needs. These two are the quiet technicians. And then there's Ringo and Michaelango, the jokesters who are both basically just there for comic relief.
Ringo's funny even when he's not trying to be

When you break it down, the Beatles and the Turtles are pretty much the same, in terms of group dynamics at least. So that still leaves the question: which group is better? What does this group dynamic work better in: music or crime-fighting? To address this, we must consider each group's longevity, accolades, and adversaries.

Though the Beatles are one of the most famous and influential bands in the history of popular music, the band wasn't actually together for too long. They lasted 10 years (1960-1970). The Ninja Turtles, on the other hand, made their first appearance in 1984 and have been going strong ever since. With comic books, video games, two animated TV series, and four movies, the Turtles have been a part of pop culture for the last 26 years - and they're not done. There are talks of a new live-action TMNT movie scheduled to hit theaters in the next couple of years. Advantage: Turtles.

As far as accolades go, the Beatles have been nominated for 26 Grammys, and won 13 times. They've had 24 Multi-Platinum albums and 15 number one albums on the UK chart: more than any other artist. Queen Elizabeth II appointed them Members of the Order of the British Empire. They have multiple albums (like Abbey Road and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band) which are often argued to be the best album of all time. For the sake of time, I won't list the rest of their accolades, and I won't even get into the Turtles' (but that's more because Wikipedia doesn't have an "awards" section on the Turtles' page). Advantage: Beatles

Like Sasha-Baron Cohen said in Talledega Nights, every great hero needs a great villain. Superman has Lex Luthor. Luke Skywalker has Darth Vader. Octomom has shame and integrity. Over the years, the Ninja Turtles have overcome many villains: the Foot, Tatsu, Karai, Bebop and Rocksteady, Tokha and Razar, etc. But their greatest and most iconic foe is obviously the Shredder. From his intimidating mask, to the spikes on his arms and shoulders, and his sparkly purple shirt, Shredder is a source of fear and a profound symbol of evil (at least he was when I was a kid). The Beatles' biggest competition in the 60s was the Rolling Stones. Both invaded from England and lit up the charts, making music with a slightly different approach: the Beatles being the Fab Four while the Stones were more like the bad boys of rock. As arguably the best rock and roll band of all time, the Stones seem like a greater foe than Shredder. I exaggerated a bit before. That purple outfit isn't nearly as intimidating as it was when I was a kid. You really have to question why he thought it was a good idea to leave the house dressed like that (But then again, you can say the same thing about pretty much anything that Mick Jagger/Keith Richards ever wore). And what's up with the name? The Shredder? Way to be original. The Rolling Stones' name is not only catchy but metaphorical as well (I'm usually sold on metaphors). Besides, if you're going to call yourself the Shredder and dud up with spikes all over your armor, you would think shredding things would be a part of your mantra. But I can't remember ever seeing the Shredder actually "shred" anything. It's more for looks. Advantage: Beatles.

By this rubric, the Beatles have the advantage 2-1. But that is based on external factors. What's more important is how the group functions internally. We already talked about how the group dynamics are similar, but whose group functions better? Though the Beatles were able to defeat their external foes, their greatest threat came from within themselves. Like I said, the Beatles lasted 10 years together, and then they broke up. To be considered the better group, I think you actually have to keep your group in tact. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's 26 years later and the Ninja Turtles still haven't broken up. Though Raphael has often stormed off in anger, his brothers always convince him that it's for the best that they remain intact. John Lennon walked away once and the Beatles never recovered. Maybe it's because Raph never had a Yoko (which is probably because there are no teenage mutant female turtles). But the reason the Turtles will never break up and the Beatles couldn't withstand inner-turmoil is Splinter. Through the ups and downs, Master Splinter remains the emotional and intellectual rock of the foursome. He's there to offer advice when the Turtles need it, and he teaches them to fight together and utilize each other's strengths as well as their own. Though the Beatles have awards to stretch from here to Liverpool and back, Splinter's steady presence is the one thing they didn't have. Ultimately, their lack of a strong, uniting presence is what allowed their downfall to occur.

Though the Beatles have more awards and a more formidable foe, the Turtles' have the X-factor. As Leo and Mike said in Turtles II,
"You forgot Shredder, we carry insurance."
"Yeah, Mutual Splinter, dude!"
This insurance is what keeps the Turtles together, and is the difference that sets the heroes in a half-shell apart from music's Fab Four. Turtles win.

PS: Oh, and before you ask - yes, I quoted Turtles II from memory.

4 comments:

  1. I love it. I based my Raph-as-George on some hilarious George interviews in the 1980s bitching about Paul McCartney.

    I never knew other people would think about this kind of stuff, too.

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  2. Neither did I. The Internet is a crazy place

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  3. I get that you are a fan of The Turtles - they are very talented. But better than the might four? No. Sorry to say this but The Turtles could be easily summed up in a 30 song compilation. It would take over 100 songs before you can call it quits for The Beatles. Think about it. The Beatles came first, they had barely any direct influence like The Turtles did. They drew across Buddy Holly, The Everly Brothers, Eddie Cochran, Chuck Berry etc... but no actual bands that offered cohesive albums nor experimental jams. The Turtles came to be right after the British Invasion, having incredible acts such as The Stones, The Who, Bob Dylan and The Kinks for example. Even excluding the lack of early influence The Beatles still win. Comparing albums? The Beatles win. I honestly don't think there is any competition when you are comparing across the two catalogues. That being said every band has a challenge when they are compared to the tremendous outlier of The Beatles.

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