Et tu, Pizza Pizza? Caesar vs. Ilitch

Yup, that's actually today's match-up. But considering the fact that Mike Ilitch, founder of Little Caesar's Pizza, decided to name his company after the great Roman rulers, I really can't resist this discussion.

It's safe to say that the Caesars were a pretty influential family. Obviously, the two most prominent Caesars were Julius and his nephew, Octavius (Augustus). Julius was the first ruler of the Roman Empire, one of the most powerful civilizations in history. Augustus picked up where his uncle/adopted father left off and also ruled the Empire (although he wouldn't call himself a dictator, but we know the real story). Much like the Caesars, the Ilitch family is involved in leadership. Like Caesar founded the Roman Empire, Mike Ilitch founded a fast-food empire - Little Caesars. Eventually he created Ilitch Holdings which encompasses all of his companies, such as the pizza chain, Olympia Entertainment, and the Detroit Red Wings and Tigers. And like Augustus took over where his uncle left off, Mike appointed two of his children, Christopher and Denise, as co-president and CEO of Ilitch Holdings. Denise has since stepped down from her position of power (more than any Caesar can say), leaving Christopher in charge.

Undoubtedly, both families have left remarkable legacies on their respective locales. Walk around Rome and you'll still see examples of this - the Forum of Julius, Temple of Saturn, as well as plenty of statues and aqueducts. Around Detroit, Ilitch's effect can be seen in Comerica Park or the renovated Fox Theatre. And like James Earl Jones (first-ballot inductee to the Hall of Ballin), Mike Ilitch has received the key to the City of Detroit. But then again, so has Saddam Hussein, so scratch that. Both Caesars have had months named after them, cementing their legacy into our everyday lives over 2000 years later. But neither of them can claim to have their name etched on the Stanley Cup.

Ilitch's victories are notable - four Stanley Cups and an American League Championship (although he fell short of the World Series). Julius Caesar conquered Gaul and invaded Britain (although fell short of British occupation). Augustus, however, continued Julius' expansion into areas such as Spain, Portugal, and defeating Mark Antony and conquering Egypt.

Of course it hasn't been all good for either party. Though Julius Caesar is the first ruler of the Roman Empire, the ugly side of that is how he dismantled the Roman Republic in order to keep his emergency powers. He felt the consequences of this, seeing as how he was assassinated and all. Augustus Caesar claimed to be the leader of a restored Republic, but really maintained the power of a dictator. Ilitch has struggled, too. First of all, look at Little Caesar's commercials. Also, the Tigers had 12 losing seasons out of 13 under his ownership. However, they have since become more respectable, winning an ALCS and coming a game short of the division championship last year. Before Ilitch owned the team, the Red Wings were known by the unsympathetic nickname, "Dead Wings." Since he took over, though, Detroit now has the nickname "Hockeytown," a significant turnaround.

The fact that Mike Ilitch called his franchise "Little" Caesars seems a bit emasculating. You'd certainly never see the OC (Original Caesar) give themselves such a moniker (although if either of them were to return today as a rapper, it's likely their stage name would be Lil' Caesar).

However, when it comes to thinking of the Roman Empire, we have to consider its size. Phrases like "The sun never sets on the Roman Empire" or "Rome wasn't built in a day" indicate the immense expansion of the Empire. Covering almost all of Europe and stretching to northern Africa and the Middle East, its size is formidable, to say the least. However, Ilitch has done some expanding of his own empire. Though Little Caesars is most prominent in Michigan, the franchise has expanded globally. From Japan to Peru to Egypt, Little Caesars has locations in 26 countries that span five continents (North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa). Rome at its height touched three (Europe, Asia, Africa). As formidable as the OC's Empire was, it never expanded as widely as Ilitch's empire. Considering that expansion is what Rome is best remembered for, it should be able to surpass Little Caesars, but it does not. With the first store in Garden City, Michigan, the Little Caesars empire certainly wasn't built in a day. But one thing is for sure: the sun never sets on Mike Ilitch's empire. Ilitch wins.

PS: All right, so Little Caesars pizza (Pizza!) isn't actually that good. But how convenient is the Hot-N-Ready? Five dollar pizzas ready to go? You walk out with change. Brilliant. As annoying as their commercials are (and as mediocre as the product itself is), I can't pass up that Hot-N-Ready. Too bad Caesar never came up with anything that revolutionary.